Y&R Recap: Wednesday, August 12th 2009

Today’s recap is brought to you by Y&R’s next supercouple:

Don’t you just love it!  It’s not cousin’ lovin’ it’s aunt and nephew lovin.  Much better!  Maria you’re definitely gonna bring this show to a 2.9.  Good job girlfriend!  Good job!

So how exactly did this great love affair begin?  Your guess is as good as mine.  Since Maria only brings out the Winters once a month, I have no idea where this story came from.  There was no buildup, no coherent dialogue, no…you know, storytelling.    From what I can deduce though, Tyra and Devon start out arguing.  How cute.

Next these two had a bitch off.

Close call.  I think I’m gonna give it to Tyra since it appears she’s on her way off canvas.  By Tyra!  Too bad Maria didn’t bring you on as a viable character.  Eva, too bad you became a part of a show where the head writer can’t write.  Oh well girl.  You’re going home to a hawt man.  Tell Lance I say haaaaay!

I guess the bitch off was foreplay, because this happened next:

Yeah Roxy, I don’t get it either.  This is nasty.

Over on the old people side of town:

Jeffrey and Gloria are still trying to make that money.  And their latest scheme involves capturing Carmen Sandiego– er, I mean, Mary Jane Benson– er, I mean Patty Williams, and turning her over to the mustache. These two don’t know who they’re messing with.  This woman is an animal killer.  Enough said.

p.s.  Mutt and Jeff– er, I mean Glo and Jeff, how about you two try this if you need money.  GET JOBS!

Still on the old people side of town:

Idiot Mackenzie has taken Carmen back under her wing.  Since MJ is hellbent on murder, why can’t she take this one out?  Is that too much to ask?

And the old people are having a meeting.  Why do these people all look the same age?  Anywho, Phillip is laughing his arse off about how Assby can’t return to Australia.  And Mac’s all, “Oooh, you have a secret.  Tell me!”  And Assby’s all, “Phillip why you gotta out a playa like that?”  Now, basing this off Phillip’s nonchalance about Assby’s secret, I’m guessing that it’s something that’s more embarrassing for Assby, than it is character ruining.  I’m putting it out there now, I think he has a wife and ten kids living on the outback.  I’m just saying.

And this is why I can’t be a fan of Billy and Mac.  This HO hires her man’s arch nemesis to work at her bar.  Now I don’t know about you, but if I had a man, that was supposedly the love of my life, I wouldn’t hire the man he HATES, to work at my place of business.  And he better not hire any HOs I hate to work at his.  It’s called love, people.  You consider your significant other’s feelings before you do things.  And of course Assby is looking smug in the background, because that’s what he does best.  Oh Mac, girlfriend, you’re pushing your man right back into the arms of Kate.  It’s no wonder Billy’s having a difficult time choosing between the two women.   Neither one of them are prizes.

Ahh, old minority row…

Lily’s being an idiot.  Neil is dropping anvils.

Lily is being a brat. Neil is dropping anvils.

Assby is being an ass.  Neil is dropping anvils.

Lily has her head stuck up Assby’s ass.  And Assby is doing what he does best, lying.

Over on the dysfunctional side of town:

Chloe and Billy are talking about divorce.  It’s about time.  But here’s the thing, Billy boy, if you’re sooo into Mac, why did Kate have to bring up the word divorce?  Playa I think you’re conflicted.  Make up your damn mind!

Kate is still playing games, because that’s all she knows how to do.  She tells Billy that all she ever wanted for Delia was for her to have two parents, brothers and sisters, a dog, a house with six bedrooms, a white picket fence, a college fund, and yeah, designer clothes.  Yeah, Billy’s not buying it either.

When Kate sees her og argument isn’t working, she pulls out her trump card.  She tells Billy she wants him to have full custody of Dee.  And Billy’s all, “Whaaaaa?”  A playa can’t play if he’s toting a baby around 24/7.  Billy thinks quick and tells Kate there’s no reason for him to have Delia full time, because she’s an awesome mother.  It works, and Billy gets the hell out of dodge before Kate comes up with another great idea.

And on the boring side of town:

Chance tells his mother that he’s feeling Kate Valentine.  And Nina gives him the WTF face.

Next Nina tries to tell Chance that he shouldn’t get involved with Kate, because she’s a gold digging HO.   Um, Nina…pot. kettle. black.  That is all.  Phillip shows up, and reminds Nina of her past, and what people used to say about her.  That shuts her up real quick.  Meanwhile, Chance is like, hmm…

He goes home to find a brokenhearted Kate, and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to ask her out on a date.  Yeah, I can’t find it in my heart to care.  I think Kate said yes to the date, but I’d be lying if I said I was paying attention.

Until next time Bitches!