Y&R Recap:Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

The brothers Abbott start us off right by getting plastered. Cryin’ Jack’s cryin’ to Billy about how he’s been played for a fool. Billy turns out to be the less-drunken voice of reason, and carries his big bro out as Mac’s coming in. She deduces that she’ll need to order another case of scotch as Kay enters. She was supposed to meet Nikki but she’s running late or something. Mac thinks it’s weird that she’s marrying Paul. She figured Nikki would always be up Victor’s ass forever. Oh, girl, just you wait.

We, of course, flash over to Paul and Nikki dining at the Club, as they talk about wedding plans, and Nikki looks so disinterested that Ashley could run in with a butcher knife and she’d be glad to get cut up if it meant not getting married.

Daniel comes into the apartment where Hamber is still packing her stuff. He asks if she needs help and she declines, so he’s like whatever, leaves the door wide open and goes over to his art stuff while she tries not to cry. As she’s leaving, he shouts for her to wait, and Hamber turns all hopeful. Oh, girl.

Billy brings Jack into the Abbott manse where he falls face first on the couch. As Billy covers Jack with a blanket, he asks if this is what it’s like being the responsible one. If I were grading his behavior, I would give him a C for not having a bottle of water on the table, and not having a bucket by Jack’s head.

Not that I’d know anything about that.

Dan wants his key back from Hamber, who can’t believe that they’re breaking up because he sexed up Deacon. But he tells her it’s not because of that, he just can’t handle the constant lying she does. I know there’s been talk about how that’s an inconsistency on Daniel’s part, considering how many lies and schemes they’ve been in on, but I can’t really say I blame him. If I found out my boo had a habit of baby stealing and cradle robbing the kids she babysat, I’d be a bit perturbed my damn self. Heaven, she needs a hug. Is there anybody out there willing to embrace a thug?

Kate’s talking to Chance about how no Chancellor has ever interviewed to be a cop. Chance corrects her by saying that he’s interviewing to be a detective, and I correct her by saying “Ho, you were raised off screen in a Swiss boarding school. Stop acting like you know.”

Somewhere along the way, in a really stupid, soap opera twist, Jack is conned into thinking Sharin’s come back to him, when it’s really MJ, and post production can’t even go half assed by having Jack see, like, blonde hair or something. He just believes it’s her off the strength of smelling her perfume. Nice going there, Jackie. He wakes up all WTF? And sees a letter from our girl with a kitty paw paperweight. Alrighty then!

Dan and Hamber argue about her being allergic to the truth, and how she was totally gonna tell him the truth about her past but it’s REALLY HARD and she’s been rejected and she knows how much it hurts and I really hate when Hamber gets upset because her words turn into a high pitched wine and then my ears bleed and I just found out that writing for this blog does not cover my medical insurance. She cries because Daniel can’t trust her, and I cry because my eardrums hurt.

Kay tells Mac that her having an affair with Billy is out of character for her. It’s always really funny to me when a show has a line like this, it just makes you wanna yell IF YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY, THEN WHY IS IT HAPPENING???? Mac mentions that Kate went into this marriage knowing that Billy didn’t love her, but Kay’s not sweating that. Mac’s always had a strong set of morals that she’s throwing away. Compromise for the one you love, but don’t sacrifice yourself in the process. Wise words from the HBIC.

Billy brings the spawn down in her car seat, and Jill decides that now that there’s a baby and two people unrelated to the situation in the room, it’s the perfect time to pick a fight with her baby boy.

Kate asks what happened, and after she’s told, does she:
A)Say, “Whoa, awkward!” and ask who would like a slice of pie?
B)Calmly interject by reminding them both that the spawn is there asleep, and now’s not the time to discuss it?
C) See the impending shitstorm, offer to give them a moment and get the spawn and Chance the hell out of dodge?

If you chose either of those answers, you have never seen this show and I must ask you to see yourself out.

Meanwhile, Billy’s verbally dropkicking his mother by throwing out if she needs some dough, she can always hop back on the proverbial horse, with that horse being a lonely rich guy.

Lauren!!! and Paul talk about the upcoming wedding and Victor. He knows that Victor will always be the love of her life, but she was looking for something different and better, and she found it in him! Then cut to Nikki looking at her engagement ring like she can’t wait to skip town on his ass.

Kay meets Nik at CL. They talk about the wedding and her love for Victor (So Deep), and how Kay should be happy for her that she found a good man like Kay did with Murphy. Kay’s all, “Girl you need to stop saying ‘love’ and ‘Murphy’ in the same sentence.”

We’re back at the mansion where Billy’s said his piece and is gonna leave with the kid. Jill’s not happy with only being called a gold-digging whore by her son, and decides to goad Billy by telling him that he always runs from responsibility. He’s like, “Really? I wonder where I learned that from? Perhaps it was all the times you ran away from raising me by handing me off to nannies and sending me off to boarding school?” Jill tells him that no matter what he thinks, she did her best. Well, her best sucked, says Weezy F. Abbott. Chance has had enough of listening to a conversation that’s none of his business and decides to get involved instead! Billy decides to play along and ask what he should do when his own mother used him as a pawn? Chance says that the first thing he should do is apologize. LOL. Boy, go to your room. No supper for you!

Jill says that apologies won’t help because the wounds are too deep, but then goes on to apologize for being a shitty mom. Billy just stares at her, and Jill’s all “See? Told ya. Too deep.”

Kay comes in and tells him that he needs to let all his resentment go because all he’s doing is hurting himself. Billy can’t believe that she’s championing Jill’s cause when their feud is older than he is. Who better to talk to about these things then, says Kay. She cares about him. Billy’s glad that at least someone does. Kate lovingly says that a lot of people do, and he gives this annoyed exhale like WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING? Billy leaves with the spawn and EH must’ve pissed off the writers because they actually give her the line “He (Billy) bends the rules like balloon animals.”

Jill and Kay discuss Kay’s talk with Billy. Kay says that she didn’t give him any more reasons to hate her, and wonders how much pain she could’ve spared both of them if she was just honest with herself that her marriage to Phillip 2: Electric Boogaloo just wasn’t that strong. He didn’t make her feel fulfilled the way Murphy does. She wonders if she hated Jill more than she really loved Phillip. Jill is understandably pissed, as for years Kay had beaten it into her head that she was this ho fo sho who stole her one true love away from her and ruined her life, and now she finds out that homegirl barely cared? All these years they went on hating each other, when Jill actually did them both a favor? It’s the cruelest thing Kay’s ever done.

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