Y&R Recap:Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Yeah, I’m surprised at how fast I got this done, too, lol.

Oh God, apparently it’s Sabrina’s deathiversary. Is this broad gonna be the new Cassie? Because I can’t take a whole week of this tomfoolery. There’s whining from Nikki about how David Chow did her dirty, and I can already tell this is gonna be my most hated episode to recap.

Billy and LAB are going at it about how LAB isn’t family, and he needs to stay away from Jill and Kay. LAB finger wags about how they’ve relied on him for the past two years, and even as a fake he’s been a better son to Jill than Billy has.

OMG I want to reach through my laptop and hit him so bad. The balls on this douchebag, I can’t even believe it, to stand there full of piss and self-righteousness, this gotdamn FRAUD who has CONSCIOUSLY lied to everyone for the entire length of time he’s been on this show, and wag his stupid finger like he’s scolding a child, just…oh my god, I’m gonna stop before this whole recap is just four letter words.

Anyway.

Phyllis is whining about something at Reckless Style, that they need to finalize the cover or whatever, and she doesn’t know whether or not to pull the pictures of Summer. She wants to keep them in, and Nick concurs, and then we’re onto Sharin.

Ya boy Tyrel is up at Sharin’s room with a delivery from Fenmore’s. She asks what’s in it and he’s like ‘Ho, I’m not psychic,” and she laughs and pays him. It’s from Jack, and she’s feeling all guilty.

Speaking of, Jack’s outside talking to one of the managers about heightening security around Sharin, due to Crazy Mary Jane being…well, crazy. He wants to make sure that no one knows he’s staying in the suite across from Sharin’s, and just as he’s about to go into his room her door opens so she can whine about all the stuff he bought for the kid that ain’t his.

Some priest walks into Lily’s room for a God talk. Oh, apparently it’s the guy who married her and the fraud, and he tells her that their love is strong and yada yada.

LAB is still being a total dick, and throws in a dig about Billy’s being promoted to CEO of Jabot being a political move. He pretends to back off the subject, but Billy takes the bait and asks wtf he’s going on about. LAB then decides that he needs to get to the hospital and slithers away.

Mary Jane is chilling behind a garbage can when Mac comes by with a box of stuff. LMAO, this broad’s been on the street for, what, a day? Two? And she looks like she’s been slumming for months. I’m surprised her teeth haven’t started to rot and fall out. Lawd. But once again, MJ is my sunshine on a cloudy day.

Jack busts up in Victor’s office holding a dirty baby doll with its eyes gouged out that was left outside Sharin’s room. Jack knows it was MJ from the security footage. They both agree that homegirl needs to be stopped. Jack’s blaming himself for bringing her into Ashley, Phyllis, and Sharin’s lives, but Victor comforts his hunny bunny with the fact that no one could’ve known how crazy she’d wind up being.

Vic’s beefing up security at the Ranch and wants Sharin to move back there. Jack’s all, um, did you forget Nick still lives there? And Victator’s like oh yeah that could be awkward. Jack tells Victor about the suite he has, and Victor brings up the fact that they’ll need to work together on this. If either of them gets any information, they’ll tell the other. I don’t believe that, but the idea of those two working side by side is awesoooooome!

Phyllis is at CL, thanking Nikki for all the work she did on the magazine. She goes inside to get Summer a blueberry muffin and runs into Sharin so they can make small talk.

Phyll loses her shit when she think she sees MJ and tries to beat some chick’s ass before Sharin steps in and apologizes for her before Phyll takes off.

Jack meets up with Paul about what MJ’s been up to since he’s been investigating her. Paul and Nikki went to Europe to investigate the companies that were on MJ’s resume, and none of them recognized her picture, even though her name was on employee records. Paul can’t shake the feeling that he’s seen her before. PERHAPS DURING CHILDHOOD????

Mac keeps pushing the idea of a shelter onto MJ, but she’s not trying to hear it, running back behind the trash can when Billy comes over. They plan to meet up at the trailer (lol) later, then he takes off. MJ, impressed that Mac didn’t mention anything about her being there, decides that maybe she can trust her after all. Also, may I just say that wardrobe was very kind to Clementine today? Because they were.

Back at the hospital, the priest tells Lily that he’s around if she needs him, leaving the room as Cane walks in. Ugh, here we go.

First thing she can think to do is apologize for the fact that she can’t have children. I’ve never wanted to smack Lily so much as I do now as she’s laying there, acting like she stood out in the rain too long and caught ovarian cancer.

I love how we have the show’s only black leading female not only be unable to have her own children at the ripe old age of 22, but when her wack ass, sorry excuse for a husband comes waltzing back into her life after avoiding her calls and was about to leave town on her ass even though she wanted to see him, with the only thing stopping him being that he had to be told she had cancer, and the first thing she does is APOLOGIZE TO HIM FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO BEAR HIS CHILDREN? And let’s not even get into that whole other rant that you are less of a woman if you’re not a mother, or that the only goal a woman has on this earth is to bear children for her man!

LAB brings up the fact that her eggs were able to be harvested and they can’t move away from this damn scene fast enough.

Okay. Moving forward.

Apparently Summer and Nick have watched the wedding video six times…that little girl has been trained well. With repetition comes belief, and so she WILL make sure that Nick loves Phyllis again. Sharin’s in her hotel room getting her self pity on about how psychic Cassie knew that Summer would need Nick the most.

Billy’s now at the coffee house with Jack and Paul, who’s asking why he hired MJ. He explains, and Jack asks if he made sure to check her references. Billy (Miller) does a good job of showing that Billy (Abbott) is in no mood right now to have his judgment be questioned – you can damn near almost hear his argument with LAB going through his head when he spits that Jack’s the one who spent the most time with MJ, why didn’t HE notice that bitch was crazy?

Victor’s thinking of the events that have transpired since he brought MJ back into Genoa City. Nikki comes in cowering. Christ on a saltine.

Phick are on the couch still watching the wedding video, and, I’m sorry, they must’ve told the little girl who plays Summer to go full retard with the way she’s acting. Sharin’s watching her wedding video with Nick too, crying as she holds her belly. So Deep.

Back at CL, Jack offers to pay Paul double to make this MJ thing his primary case, but he’s already been working on it all this time so he declines. He’s doing it for himself and Nikki, even though Victor told him to back off. Paul leaves, and Jack immediately figures out that Victator is behind bringing MJ to town. Billy disagrees, asking what Victor would have to gain from doing so, but Jack says it’s right up his alley.

Sure enough, Nikki’s there to apologize about bringing David Chow into their lives as if it’s her fault and hers alone that Sabrina died. GMAFB, people.

Next time on Y&R: