Y&R Recap:Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Vicsnoria and JT are at the coffee shop talking about how she can’t sit still after getting out of the hospital. She feels like she owes Sabrina something and that’s why she’s trying to bring down the art theft whatever. She zones out while JT is talking because this storyline is as boring to her as it us to me when she realizes that it’s Victator and Sabrina’s anniversary, OMGZ.

Dr. Taylor (who has the decency to look horribly ashamed of himself for what he’s doing) is talking to Ashley about the baby, then he goes up to see Adumb. Ashley goes over to talk to Sabrina’s picture, and now that Estella’s gone they can be happy. I think it’s pretty funny that they keep talking up a broad they didn’t even see fit to keep on the payroll.

Adumb and the Victator are arguing about Adumb’s eyesight. Vic wants Adumb to see Victor’s specialist, and Adumb tries to convince him that he gave up hope and doesn’t care.

Dr. Taylor lies to Vic about the baby and then Adumb wants to talk to Taylor alone, so he leaves and Adumb asks Taylor if he brought It. What could It be??? (Spoiler: More botox.)

After the credits we have Shick talking about how they need a house. Nick thinks because they have a door with locks and a bed, that’s all they need! Nick’s not going to the bail hearing because Dan’s got Michael in his corner. They make out.

At the courthouse they discuss how shiz doesn’t look great for Daniel considering how his dumb ass picked up the murder weapon and got his fingerprints on it, and his contact info is in the dead guy’s phone. ADA!Feather walks in trying to act grown alongside Aucker, and Hamber, Dan, Phyll, and Mike go inside while Jana wishes him luck and Kevin tries to talk her down.

Back at the Rancho, Vic and Ash are still squacking about Sabrina.

We go back to Shick who are magically in bed! Again! Sharin looks like she got gas, but she’s really holding back in less smelly way. Everything’s going so well and Sharin’s afraid. Nick promises to never willingly leave her again (lol) and that she’s stuck with him so she better deal with it.

ADA!!Feather’s up to bat and delivers her lines…very…slowly. Too many big words I guess. The DA’s office wants to throw every charge they can think of at Daniel, and you can see him crap his pants. Michael takes the stage and in turn craps on Feather’s performance. Ha!

Jana is bawwing to Kevin about all the things she should’ve done differently while Kevin keeps saying that she hasn’t done anything wrong over and over. Jana tells Kevin that he needs to start thinking of back up plans if her ass gets hauled off to jail and Kevin won’t hear it. Instead he says that if anyone should be worried, it’s Daniel, if what he says happens really did happen in the first place. Kev, where is the faith! Jana explains that Dan had no idea what the hell was going on, and Kevin’s pissed that no one had his wife’s back. I guess this bromance is hitting a rough patch.

Back in the courtroom Feather is talking about Daniel’s past crimes and Phyllis is obnoxiously like WTF dude, object that noise! Mike does, reminding the court that the charges against Daniel for his other crimes were dropped and Feather calls Dan a cold blooded killer, yada yada.

Shick are looking for a house and are boring but manage to stay clothed.

At the coffee haus, JT and Victoria are talking about Sabrina STILL and start to argue aboutzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Victor is talking to that creepy ass statue that I just realized is supposed to be Sabrina.

OKAY. STOP. I’VE HAD ENOUGH. THEY ARE PROPPING THIS DEAD CHICK MORE THAN KATE. I realize that Sabrina was a doll that LML created, and she killed her off when she was bored of playing with her. THIS BROAD WAS NOT A SAINT, NOR DID SHE LAST LONG ENOUGH TO EARN THE STATUS! Now, perhaps this is MAB’s way of showing that if she’d had her way, Sabrina would still be on the canvas to which I say: DO IT ALREADY! If she can bring back one character we saw die onscreen, then she can bring back two. I am SO TIRED of hearing Victor and Ashley and Victoria and Adam and Nikki, and the women of The View, and Larry King, and Sarah Palin, and Kanye West, and Bill Compton talking about how wonderful and precious she was, and how she smelled of rainbows and fulfilled dreams, and how her hair cured polio. GOTDAMN, LET IT GO.

All of a sudden some random ass dude starts tending to the lawn, and Victor must’ve heard my impassioned speech because he tells homie to get rid of the statue. Nice one, Victator.

Shick are talking about the house still. Nick finds some five bedroom thing and springs it on Sharin that he’s named their unborn daughter Faith. Sharin is stunned silent that he would just go ahead and name the kid before it’s even born or proven to be his (Okay, I know, I know, stop looking at me like that!), but then goes back to the house listing and says, literally, and I quote, “Oh, look, it even has a basement!” OOH, GIRL, WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Sign me up!

In the courtroom, Daniel assures the judge that he won’t skip town if he’s granted bail. She agrees to grant it, but sets the bond at ONE MILLION DOLLARS! ADA!!Feather doesn’t protest it, while Phyllis gives this awesome “Girl, stop” expression. Michael’s like ‘Uhhhh, this dude doesn’t have that kind of cheddar chillin in his fridge’, and the judge in return is like ‘Uhhhh, aren’t you Daniel ROMALOTTI? Son of the international recording star (lol)?’ And Feather amusingly chimes in that his mother is Phyllis Newman, as in the NEWMAN’s who own the other half of the town that Katherine doesn’t.

The hearing is over, and Phyll tells Daniel that she’ll handle the bail money. He tries to pride his way out of it, but Mama tells him to STFD and STFU.

Mikey’s on, and does his thing with the judge, asking that bail be set at the bargain basement price. Even though Jana co-owns a thriving business with her hubby, they are ballers on a budget. Feather starts off by calling Jana a sweet young thing. Why not go straight up Mel Gibson and refer to her as Sugartits the whole time? Jana looks nice, but let us not forget that she’s killed a ho. Feather does a pretty good job by making it look very Well, How Convenient? on Jana’s part. The judge holds Jana in custody on the strength of her past arrest on the murder charges. Kevin craps his pants, too.

Vic and Vik are talking about it being his and Sabrina’s anniversary. Oh, for God’s sake. Adumb is lurkin’ like a good little about-to-be-recast boy. Vic takes down the picture of Sabrina, saying that it’s time to move on, and Victoria reacts like her ass was the one married to Sabrina or something.

She throws a fit and Victor is like WTF? Why do I need your permission to move on with my life? Vik asks if she can take the portrait, and Vic says she can. She peaces out as Ashley’s on her way back in and acts like she’s 12.

Back in the love Shick, they’re on their way to see the new house that Nick proclaims as theirs (Do I need to call dude now for my free tarot readin’?). As they open the door, Phyll’s on the other side. She needs help with Daniel.

Speaking of Danny boy, Jana breaks the news to him that she was denied bail due to her prior record. Jana tries to reassure Kevin, and Kevin tells Daniel that he needs to get her out of the mess he clearly put a gun to her head and dragged her into. Feather walks out like she’s smelling herself, and Aucker starts bawwing about something, I don’t know.

JT and Victoria talk aboutzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Elsewhere, Adam breaks his botox. HA HA!

Back at the hotel room, Phick discuss why Daniel’s bail is so high. Phyllis says it’s because she’s a Newman…in name at least, and Sharin’s all LOL.

Since the divorce proceedings are on and popping, Phyllis needs his permission to access their joint bank account. Nick agrees, saying to take whatever she needs from it. Nick makes a comment about seeing Daniel, but then I tuned him out. According to Phyll’s reaction, though, he must’ve said something that led her to believe that he thinks Daniel will skip town again. Phyll gives Nick a history lesson, reminding him that he was the one who ran Dan out of town after Cassie’s death. Nick doesn’t really have anything to say because it’s all true, but Sharin keeps making these faces that are simultaneously appalling me and cracking me up.

Phyll feels a rant about to come on and stops herself before she goes full throttle, but as she gets halfway to the door she decides to go through with it anyway, saying how it’s funny that he’s condemning Daniel for running away when that’s all his punk ass has been doing lately.

Back at the courthouse, Hamber is bawwing and Daniel wonders aloud why someone would do this to him. He doesn’t have any enemies. Right? Hamber looks like she’s hiding something. Or maybe she ate a lot of that cereal with the fiber in it and it’s hitting her all at once. I just go by what I see, people.

There’s a Desk with an Arm in a Suit holding a Drink. Q-Tip from Generation Kill (google if you must!) comes and tells the Arm that Jana didn’t get bail, but Daniel’s ass will be back on the street in no time. The Arm is angry, and throws a Glass at the Other Desk.

We Fade to Black and there are Previews. Next time on Y&R?