Bitch Wrapped 6/19/09

Another week of Y&R has come crashing down around US, and I wasn’t lucky enough to get out of the way. Someone had to wrap this show up for you, and I was the unlucky winner. Without the Four bad bitches of Y&R, this show would have been unwatchable last week. So thank you Jeanne Cooper, Jess Walton, Stacey Haiduk and Trisha Cast, for holding down the fort and picking up the slack. The week started with GoBac and ended with Fethan, and I can’t decide which one bores me the most. So I will say Gobac, because at least Fethan makes me laugh. So here is what I remember, or what my brain didn’t eject the moment it made contact. (Writer gives long sigh, as she tries to stay awake while thinking about the show. This feat, should only be attempted by professional, writer is not a professional, so she..)

Umm where was I, O yes, I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the Delusional Truth, so help me DB’s.

No Baby NO

I am so effing sick of Babies, so I will NOT, I repeat, I will not cover any storyline that revolves around a baby. Who the hell am I kidding? Even I have to comment on Fily putting the basket ball under her shirt. And the only thing that I can say about that is WTF Fily, What The Fock!

Ok, so I know I just said that I wouldn’t talk about Baby s/l, so here are the cliff notes for those of you who care. Fily wants a baby, but is abnormal, Ashley lost a baby, but thinks she’s still having one and STS (Sexually Transmitted Sharon or St. Sharon) doesn’t know who the hell fathered her baby, but that will change next week. I hope you enjoyed that, now let’s move one.

The Scooby Doo B-squad

Jana was arrested because Daniel is an idiot. Amber asked Kevin what he would do if he found a big pile of money, and he replied that it wouldn’t happen, only to have it happen less than a minute later. Seeing the money, Kevin said he would ride off into the sunset with Amber, because unfortunately, her IQ is .0005% higher than Jana’s.

The Ranch that time forgot

Adam got caught, but not really, Nikki showed concern for her arch nemesis, Ashley has became a delusional twit, Rafe pleaded Estella’s case, Victor twitched his mustache, and Olivia’s weave tried to escape.

Failed lifts, and ineffective throws

Kate was pathetic as per usual, planning out ways to attempt to make Liam feel guilty, but he didn’t care. After a failed attempt to sit Mac on the bar top at Jimmy’s, Liam was going to have sex with Kate in a bed, but decided that he wasn’t that desperate. Once again Kate got angry, because she showed Liam just how much integrity she has, by offering to sleep with him when she knew that he would be thinking about Mac, and then decided to give him back his wring. You showed him Kate, NOT, but let’s ALL pray that it sticks. Mac and Liam were about to get it on, on the barstool (couldn’t quite make it up on that bar, no worries Mac, Ethan will get you up there), but were interrupted by Raul, who Mac later broke up with. Liam and Mac talked, but I dozed off so this all you get.

One last thing before I go, Kate, if you are going to throw a ring at a man, make sure that he purchased it for you. Billy didn’t buy you a ring, and it makes very little impact to throw another man’s wring at your husband, who didn’t feel the need to buy you one to begin with. That’s all!

Mary Jane and the others

MJ took out a restraining order against Paul, only to have it cancelled twenty for hours later. She later added Summer to her scrap book of enemies, ok not really. But she did decide that she was going to help Summer keep her family, no matter what cost Summer had to pay. Red told CJ (Crying Jack) that MJ was a keeper, and he was like, “It’s just a booty call,” and she was like, “You’re a dumb ass and MJ will neuter you.” He was like, “HA, too late for that STS already has my balls.” STS and NTP (Nick The Prick) proved once again that they aren’t smarter than a fifth grader, because No-all(Noah) served their asses for the 100th time. No-all said that they were children and he was tired of peeps getting a divorce, and if anyone was getting a divorce, he would be the one getting rid of those two clowns. Bravo to No-all, and yes, your parents are idiots.

Three Fabulous Bitches

Nina, Jill and Kay brought back the glory days of Y&R with some great conversations about Phillip, as well as a good old fashion Bitch out. Nina lied and said that P4 may have Huntington’s disease, and she needed to have P3’s body exhumed. Jill wants to let P3 rest in peace and to only disturb him when it suits her needs. Kay was like, “Whatever Bitch, you do what you need to do, and I’m just going to chill here like I’m not hiding anything.” So after that they argued some more, it was later decided to have the body exhumed, but unfortunately, or fortunately depending on which side you’re on, there wasn’t a body in the casket.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

Ethan was Ethan, until he went whining to Kay, who was like, “STFU punk, damn I’ll handle it.” He then called Langley some more, crying about how he was freaking out and needed a pat on his ear. Later Lily (yes Lily) actually peaked in this week (after the B-Ball in the shirt, Again WTF Fily WTF) and was like HEY, I think Ethan is hiding something from me. She asked WAB (Reader please note: that this week’s WAB, stand for Whiny Ass Bitch, unlike my previous WAB, which stood for Week Ass Bastard, carry on) if he was hiding something. He’s all, “Nina won’t lemme lone,” and she was all, “Aww my poor Humphrey, I meant Cane.” WAB was nervous about the exhumation, and came seriously close to breaking out on Lily. Damn, Lily just can’t a catch a break, but its okay, Fily returned later and all was right with the WAB.

STFU AWARD

From soaps

My, my, my, look how the mighty have fallen. It’s seems Genoa City’s favorite Blue Steelin WAB needs to learn how to STFU!! Ethan Hurricane Ashby you are such a whiny ass little bitch! You played a game and now your ass is about to get caught, so you go running to Kay like a toddler who’s about to lose his favorite toy. You are lying to Fily and you don’t seem to have an ounce of regret for what you’re doing. But this is nothing new, because you have been shown to be a selfish son of a bitch who whines when he doesn’t get his way. You go around spewing your self-righteous BS, acting like you’re some got damned fallen angel when your ass is as stank as Kate Valentine. It was no wonder the two of you got along so well, you both love to play the victim. Kate was an amateur when it came to playing the victim, but WAB! you have made it into an art form. “I was a poor little orphan, who didn’t have a family, and therefore it gave me license to be a whiny bitch.” It sounds like Kate to me. You don’t want Nina up in your business, then you should have STAYED out of hers. So again STFU! You’re sweating Langley harder than Richard Simmons sweats a pair of glittery shorts after a workout routine. Langley doesn’t love your Bitch ass; if he did, he wouldn’t be dodging your damn phone calls. “Wah wah wah, I only want run my bar, keep lying to my wife, and have fifty kids, is that to much to ask for? Wah Wah Wah, why is Nina picking on me, Wah Wah Wah, mum please stop Nina, Wah Wah Wah, can’t we all just get along?” O LAWD just STFU! I am SOOO OVER your dumbass and I am TIRED of your- sanctimonious- holier- than- thou- I- walk- on- water- bow-down-and-kiss-my-feet-Aussie Ass! SO the next time you attempt to roll up on Billy with some BS about manning up, I suggest you look down your pants, see that you have no balls, check yourself and STFU!

Bitch Out!