Y&R Recap Wednesday, June 10th 2009

Today’s recap is being brought to you by one of the greatest romances of all time, The Jackass and the Gnome…

See, Liam and Kate are in a love story y’all! Yeah, I think I missed that memo, too. Liam decided to stop by the Chancellor Mansion to finally check up on his spawn. He finally got a break from all the pining and longing for Mac that he does down a Jimmy’s bar. Kate isn’t having it though, and while Liam is telling her how much he’s gotten his act together, she just continues to do what she does best, nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag. Liam decides this crap is for the birds, so he throws Kate the deuces, and goes back to his daytime job, stalking Mac. Hey, he learned from the best. Thanks Kate!

So Liam finds his one true love down at Crimson Lights, and together they take a stroll down memory lane (for the 184923897th time, I think we get it now MAB). Mac shows Billy a scrapbook she made of their high school time together, and Billy’s all, ‘What the hell were you gonna do with this?’ And Mac was all, ‘Take it on our honeymoon of course.’ Oh granMac, what a naughty girl you are, taking your scrapbooking kit on a honeymoon. That is sooo hot. Meow!

While I’m joking about granMac’s scrapbook, it seems to have done the trick. Guess who showed up at CL y’all? BILLY! Check the smile, check the fresh haircut, check the snazzy blue shirt that actually fits. It’s him! Billy called Mac out on her games, if she’s so over him, then why is she still carrying around mementos of their past together? Mac admits that he’s right, and she still has feelings for him. Score 1 for Billy!

Kate decides that if she’s gonna keep Billy, she needs advice from the Grande Dame of GC, Katherine.

sidebar: Kate, Kay can’t give you any advice about men. The one playa she had, played her ass for Jill. And so did the other three or four dopes she married. If they didn’t leave her for Jill, they got their asses killed, or both. Moving on.

Kate nags on and on about how much she loves Billy, and she knows she can make it work between them, even if it means using his daughter as a pawn (you hag!). Yes, this ho finally admitted out loud what we’ve all been saying, she’s been manipulating Billy by using D.

Kay just shook her head at the ridiculousness of the statements coming out of Kate’s mouth, and this was basically her exact response, “Fool, get yourself some self respect and drop Liam. He will change his ways some day, but it won’t be for you. Move on ho.”

Kate, one who doesn’t know when to take good advice, just so happened to run into her boo, and his boo, at Crimson Lights. She debated for about one second to take Kay’s advice, and just leave, but then she couldn’t deny her inner self, and went back to her eavesdropping ways. Nature over nurture y’all! It wins every time. Kate rolled up on Billy and Mac just in time to hear Billy tell his lady love that he was now single, and ready to mingle. Shake my head, just shake my head.

Today’s commercial break is brought to us by Ambien CR, the only prescription sleep aid that gets you to sleep, and helps you stay asleep…

It’s working well on Daniel y’all! Even he can’t stay awake during this crappy story line. Fa real MG? This is the great writing that convinced you to re-sign? Fa real?

Even the rest of the scooby gang can’t believe this is what they’ve been reduced to. Why can’t this little group of friends ever manage to stay out of trouble? Is it too much to ask? Of course it is, look who we’re talking about, psycho Jana, pedophile Kevin, and skanky Amber.

Danielle, the smart little lady he is, decides he’s just gonna touch fake Aucker’s gun, and put his dainty little fingerprints all over it. Smart move Danielle, smart move.

Honestly, I don’t know what the hell boreToria was doing there (I guess helping to put folks to sleep), but I just found this scene to be particularly hilarious. Why is stuff always falling on this chick? Could we be so lucky, and she falls into a coma again?

Ahhh, my favorite bitch, Mary Jane…

JT (omg! they let you out of boretoria’s purse?), caught Mary Jane doing a little snooping on the grounds of the Newman Ranch, and decided to call her on. JT, you better watch out playa, you don’t want MJ to add your face to her Board of Doom! MJ explains that she saw Ye Olde Ranche in the pages of Architectural Digest (yeah right) and decided to give herself a tour. JT’s brain was trying to give itself a workout, and thought something was suspect about MJ’s story, but ultimately it was too much for his little mind to handle, and he let it go.

Today just wasn’t MJ’s day though, everyone was trying to keep a playa down. PI Paul let MJ know that he was doing some background searches on her. Bad move PI Paul. You don’t mess with MJ. Case in point…

MJ found detective Hot! Chocolate, and filed a complaint against PI Paul. See Paul, you are not ready to go against MJ. Let it go man.

And now it’s time for the main event, Tyson v. Holyfield 18, oops, I mean Nina v. Ethan. Let the games begin…

So, after failing to get any useful info from Ethan at Lily’s birthday party, Nina made special arrangements to meet with him at Crimson Lights. Ethan arrived looking hella shook, and he’s all, “Make this quick, I have places to be, lies to tell, and a fraud to keep up.” And Nina was all, “Okay ho. Let’s get ready to rumble.”

Round One,

Nina: Tell me about Violet Montgomery.
Ethan: Who?
Nina: You know, the woman you knew as your mother.
Ethan: Uh…um…so..
Nina: That’s all you have to say?
Ethan: I don’t really want to talk about it. Next.

Round One winner: Ethan! His ducking and dodging paid off. Nina couldn’t even get in a good hit.

Round 2,

Nina: So, exactly how did you get to GC?
Ethan: What?
Nina: Australia to GC, how did you do it?
Ethan: Um…yeah…
Nina: *stares*
Ethan: Just kind of made it here on my own.
Nina: I thought Amber helped you?
Ethan: That ho told you that?
Nina: No, actually she’s suspiciously quiet on the subject.
Ethan: *stares*

Round Two winner: Nina! She got that fool shook. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. Let’s check out his footwork. Dodge Ethan! Dodge!

the many ways Ethan can duck and dodge…

Bambi is not impressed. Zigzag Ethan, that’s how you’re supposed to do it. Predators get confused when you run zigzag, try that next time.

Although Webster v. Ashby 1 was a tie, Nina wasn’t through with that ho. Ethan wouldn’t give her answers on Violet, so she went to everyone’s go to guy, PI Paul. Paul, as usual, was of no help though. Telling Nina that after Ethan showed up, and was proven to be Jill’s son, he stopped doing his job, and just kept collecting checks. Nina, girl, if you want something done right, you just have to do it yourself girlfriend!

Ethan one round one, but the fact that Nina won round two has that ho scared, real scared. He put in a quick call to the real man in charge, and was all, “…I’m so scared Zack.”

Oops, wrong show. My bad y’all!

Phillip on the other hand didn’t have time for cryin’ hos, and told Ethan he needed to chill. Methinks the pimp will have to make a special trip to GC to slap his ho. Can’t let these hos get out of line, and it looks like Ethan is on the verge of stepping out.

Next time one the Young & the Restless…