Y&R Recap Monday, June 1st 2009

Y&R is getting a little repetitive y’all! Today’s episode was filled with Shick/Shack/Phick/Phack with a splash of crazy Ashley, and the Scooby Gang, otherwise known as Amber/Daniel/Kevin/Jana.

Over at the Abbott mansion, Phyllis is telling Jack yet again that if he’d kept his eye on Sharin, then Red’s marriage would still be intact. Jack’s all, it’s not his fault Sharin’s a ho, and so is Niclueless. Phyllis looks at Cryin’ Jack like he’s crazy, because obviously the man doesn’t get it. See, Cryin’ Jack believes that Sharin is really through with Niclueless, and no matter whose baby she’s carrying, they will raise it together. Really Jack? Let’s just see what Sharin and Niclueless think of that.

Ahhh, seems like Sharin and Niclueless are doing what they do best, make out like teenagers. I guess we all see where Noah gets it from. He get it from his mama (and his daddy, lol). While Big Red and Cryin’ Jack are whining to each other, Niclueless is telling Sharin that he chooses her (Didn’t I see this already on Grey’s Anatomy? Remember when Mer told Der, ‘choose me. pick me. love me.’? Shonda did it better, but I digress). So Niclueless chooses Sharin. Hmm… let’s see how long it is before he’s ‘recomitting’ to Phyllis again.

Niclueless was doing his best Keith Sweat impression (you know, getting his beg on), trying to get Sharin to come back to him, when in walked his wife. Yeah Niclueless, nothing tells a woman how much you love her, like being married to someone else. When will the men in this town learn? You can’t properly step to a woman when you’re still married (Yes Liam, I’m looking at you. You’re basically asking Mac to be your mistress. If you’re really serious, then get a divorce).

Not prepared to take on Big Red, Sharin slithered her way out of notVogue, and left Niclueless alone to get his punishment from mom. Instead of putting her foot up Niclueless’ ass like she should have, Big Red resorted to begging (look like she’s a fan of Keith Sweat, too) him not to give up on their marriage. Oh Big Red, look how far you’ve fallen.

As far as Big Red has fallen, Cryin’ Jack has fallen even further. At least Niclueless loves Phyllis on some level, but Sharin is straight up using Cryin’ Jack. And Jackie, having no self respect when it comes to Sharin, is taking whatever crumb he can get. Jackie, it’s not your baby. Tell that ho to get to stepping.

Over at Ye Olde Newman Ranch…

Victor is consulting a psychiatrist about Ashley’s delusional state. Victor, do you really need a doctor for this? Ashley is seeing your dead wife, and hearing babies crying in the woods. I think that’s enough evidence that she’s lost her mind, don’t you?

While Victor is busy visiting with the good Doc, Ashley is befriending Public Enemy #1. Ashley, Adam is not your friend. Open your eyes girlfriend. Adam moves around entirely too well for someone who is newly blind. He is up to no good girl!

Since Olivia has been replaced in today’s ep in her role as personal physician to Ashley, her new job is to be the town crier. She runs off to the Abbott mansion to inform Jack of all the kooky stuff that’s going down at Ye Olde Newman Ranch. Why didn’t anyone tell Jack about this stuff a long time ago? Maybe if he was seeing about his sister, he wouldn’t have time to make a fool of himself behind Sharin.

Never one to miss a chance to see his one true love, Jack hurries off with Olivia to Ye Olde Newman Ranch, after hearing the news of Ashley’s further descent into insanity. Upon arrival, the two lovers have a tiff, with Jack insisting that Ashley come home to the Abbott mansion, and Victor being all, “Hell, no. I won’t let that ho go.”

When the lover’s tiff begins to turn into a full blown argument, Olivia tries to intervene, but Jack’s all, “Girlfriend, this is between me an my man. Back away.” And the Mustache looks on like, “You know that’s right.”

Meanwhile…

Water is still wet. Fire is still hot. The sky is still blue. And Ashley is still crazy.

Over in less crazy parts of town…

Kevin is still down about those letters that Detective Sexual Chocolate dropped off to him. Jana is trying to cheer him up, but Kevin isn’t trying to hear it. These days, the only person Jana’s magic works on is Daniel, and the only person that can get through to Kevin is Amber. Speaking of the devils…

Amber and Daniel show up at CL, and sure enough Amber is able to cheer up Kevin when she shows him a website that’s been devoted to the Silver Chipmunk. Kev’s all happy again, until he realizes that it’s Amber who created the website, and left all the positive comments. Meanwhile, the other half of this quad, Jana and Daniel, are busy discussing Daniel’s FBI involvement. Jana says something doesn’t feel right to her about all of this, and Daniel should just get out while the getting is good. Daniel heeds her advice, but also says they shouldn’t tell their significant others anything about this. Hmm…we know that nothing good ever comes from telling lies. Based on how his marriage ended, you’d think Daniel would have learned this by now.

After spending time with their best friends, Daniel and Amber make their way home, and guess what?

Their place has been trashed. Daniel, Jana warned you about getting involved with the government. You should have listened to her Daniel, you know homegirl speaks to the spirits. Obviously, Daniel’s friend Agent Aucker paid him a visit. Poor Daniel, if it’s not one thing, it’s always something else with this guy. So let’s take bets. Who will hit the sheets first? Dana or Kamber?

Next time on the Young and the Restless…