Y&R Recap. Wednesday, May 27th 2009

Ashley’s having a terrible day but at least she has her daddy to comfort her. She tells him she’s scared and Adumb, who is still spying on his laptop like the perverse idiot he is, looks on stunned when he realizes that Ash might actually be crazy.

She tells John how scared she is about losing the baby and how it would destroy TGVN after what happened with Sabrina. She tells him about her nightmare (featuring a veiled Sabrina who tries to kill Ashley) and Adumb is smiling away thinking this is going to be the greatest prank evah! Douche. She goes back to sleep and one more nightmare later she wakes up to find herself bleeding. Did I mention that she’s having a terrible day?

Jill and the Bardwells are still broke, broke, broke. Glo & Jeffrey have just returned from their luxurious trip on Noah’s Ark. Unfortunately for them they have no home to return to. They’ve been kicked out of the GCAC. Glo won’t sell her diamonds, won’t ask her kids for money, so they’ve got to roll up their sleeves and help themselves. They look in the classifieds and Glo finds a luxurious apartment that happens to be Red’s penthouse.

They go to not!Vogue and giggle about not having to go through all the legalities or paying first and last month’s rent because Red knows they’re good for it but Big Red won’t be outfoxed. She wants them to stick to the terms of the lease. She takes takes their money without checking their finances and they go to live it up while they still can.

Meanwhile, Jill’s trying to rectify her situation by going to Jackie, who is still mad as hell and not going to take it anymore! Jill not knowing that she’s facing an angry kitty offers him a business partnership. Why Jill thinks he’d want anything to do with her is beyond me and Jackie quickly tells her what she can do with her plan.

Kate’s making herself right at home at the Chancellor house. I guess being the maid’s daughter has some benefits after all, doesn’t it Kate? She tells Esther that Liam cares more about nuMac – his ex! – than he does about her. You think, Kate? She knows he wants Baby D but it’s too bad for him because she and D are a package deal. Two for one. Buy one, get one free! She’s that cashier who just won’t take no for an answer: “But you can supersize that for twenty-five cents!” Liam doesn’t want the extra value meal, mmkay?

She continues to whine about her marriage. She knows Liam doesn’t love her but he promised her – he promised her! – that he would make this work. If she believed that, she is either naïve or stupid. She talks about dignity, self-respect, and the situation being a bad example for Delia – and it all sounds good but since this is Kate, she’ll be back to the embarrassing situation within 48 hours.

On the other side of the yard, Mau–oh eff it, Rack’s discussing how awesome it is to be in love but no one’s buying it especially not nuMac. Raul’s been promoted to assistant director at the relief agency in Washington and he wants nuMac to come with him but she can’t leave – there’s Kay and of course her job at Jimmy’s. How will she ever find another bar job?

When Raul gets ready to take his leave and head to the airport, nuMac goes over to console Kate. Kate, however, in no mood to play nice, tells nuMac that her broken marriage is all her fault. NuMac’s like, “Bitch, your marriage is fail because of me HOW?” But before Kate can continue with her nonsense, Raul comes back so he and nuMac can take an overlong time making out and saying their goodbyes.

Once he leaves, Kate continues her Woe is me routine. She whines about how much her life sucks. How she didn’t know her father and got stuck in boarding school. How it was all SO HARD and nuMac would never understand her pain. Instead of punching her right in the face, nuMac tells her that she didn’t have a great time of it either growing up. She didn’t grow up in GC or know her father … but excluding the parental abuse and the homelessness, her life was easy compared to Kate’s, who suffered SO MUCH.

Kate goes on to say that she doesn’t want Baby D to grow up without a father and again, I ask, what decade are we in? Liam can be a father to D without staying married to Kate. Good grief.

Jackie is still crying all by himself at the Abbott Abode when the ghost of Papa John appears. He wants to know why Jackie is boo hooing about Sharin & Liam when Jack also slept with his wife? Jack rolls his neck and tells Papa John to talk to the hand. Papa John’s all, “Whatever. Just don’t forget that people who live in glass houses, should always have Windex in stock.” And something about Liam still being his brother.

So after being totally shot down by the angry kitty, Jill goes to Liam to ask what the hell is up Jack’s ass and Liam’s all “Stuff.” Jill looks around and realizes Baby D’s missing and when Liam tells her that Kate left with the baby, instead of calling a party planner, Jill wants to know what Liam’s going to do.

Liam says he doesn’t want to hurt Kate – could have fooled me – and he doesn’t want to lose his kid but Jill tells him that he won’t lose his parental rights just because his marriage was one big clusterf*** of fail. Jill tells him to make up his mind and Liam’s all, “I have a mind?”

When Jill leaves, it’s Papa John’s turn to talk to Liam. John tells him that he’s got a lot of growing up to do. True. Liam doesn’t disagree. In fact part of him wants to say to hell with it and go back to HK but he doesn’t want to leave his kid. John wants to know what he’s going to do about it and Liam hasn’t a clue. When they hear a knock at the door, John disappears and Liam tells him that he’s no help. Also true.

It’s nuMac and uh oh, it appears that she’s been possessed by the Pimp a Kate ghost. The Pimp a Kate ghost takes over a character’s body (previously Jack, Jill, Fily) when there is a need to stupidly and randomly pimp Kate Valentine. Let’s see what mind-boggling stupid things the spirit will say today…

- Kate grew up a lot like nuMac.
- If he doesn’t go after Kate, she’ll marry someone else and his kid will be be raised by another man who may abuse Delia. Does he want that?
- By not rushing over to get Kate, he’s abandoning Delia.

So, let’s get this straight, doing right by D is staying with a chick he resents, who he will continue to treat like crap the longer they are together. AWESOME. A drunk, resentful father and a self-absorbed, doormat mother – that’s the kind of healthy environment that any well-adjusted child should grow up in! Someone call Oprah because she’s about to miss out on this winning example of parenthood!

NuMac? Shut up.

Then they have the obligatory pointless discussion about their relationship where Liam for some unknown reason keeps calling Raul “this guy” and nuMac shuts him down for the 500th time.

Don’t any of these people get tired of having the same conversation over and over again?

Next on Y&R: Ash finds a picture of Sabrina and TGVN in her hospital room. And…

Also…