Y&R Recap Wednesday, May 20th 2009

Today’s recap is brought to you by the late Cassie Newman (yes, it’s that time of year again, Cassie’s death anniversary)…

Oh, those were the days. Cassie was still alive and cute, and her parents were still decent people. Boy how time flies. Now Niclueless is bouncing from woman to woman, and Sharin has a three way who’s the daddy mystery than can only be solved by the greatness that is Maury Povich.

Enough with the good times though, let’s get back to the here and now…

Sharin’s having a rough time, y’all! Not only is she a kleptomaniac, she’s also a nymphomaniac, too. What a hell of a combination. After weeks of knowing she has a problem, Sharin finally decided to seek help. What finally clued you in Sharin that you needed to get your head looked at? Was it the blackouts? Or the stealing? Or maybe it was all the random sex? Whatever it was though, obviously it wasn’t enough, because as soon as things got real, Sharin threw up the deuces to her therapist. Bye girl!

Sharin was busy stepping up her therapy game, while Big Red and Niclueless were talking about…something. I really wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure it went like this:

Big Red: “Sure you slept with Sharin two times, I trust that you won’t do it again.”
Niclueless: “Um, yeah, sure. You know I love both of you hos right?”
Big Red: “Nick, I forgive you…again. As long as you don’t leave. So you’ll leave Sharin alone?”
Niclueless: “Um, yeah, sure. I’m recommitted to you. Just let me holla at Sharin for a second.”
Big Red: “I still forigive you boo!”
Niclueless: “Um, yeah, sure.”

Jack meanwhile, is continuing to be as clueless about Mary Jane/Patty as her brother Paul is. Jack, clearly Mary Jane is familiar as all get out with the Abbott Mansion. Open your eyes fool, the ho has lived there before. Jack is playing a dangerous game though, he broke Mary Jane off some, and now he’s dumping her. Jack, beware of the crazy broads. They don’t play nice.

How convenient. Right after calling things off again with Paul’s sister, excuse me, I mean Mary Jan Benson, Jack ran into Paul at Crimson Lights. Paul it seems, has taken the Kate Valentine online course in Stalking 101, and is searching for Mary Jane. Jack, so surprised to learn that Paul is not dead like his lack of airtime would lead you to assume, points the PI in the right direction.

Paul has found his prey, but that Mary Jane is a slick one, and homegirl manages to escape Paul’s scrutiny. Next time PI Paul. Next time.

After running into long lost Paul Williams, Jack stopped by notVogue to visit his favorite ex wife. And while they pretended to hold a normal conversation, each one of them was thinking about secrets that would ruin the other. Jack reminisced on Sharin sharing her pregnancy news. And Big Red thought back to Sharin sharing her goodies with Liam. With friends like these two, who need enemies?

Of course while the cat’s away, the mice will play, and Niclueless used his free time wisely (or not so much, you be the judge) to visit his favorite ex wife. Sharin’s still being all avoidy about her bun in the oven, because Smilin’ Jack convinced her that it’s best if no one else knows about baby Niclueless. Jack, you are not the father. You know Sharin and Niclueless are about to be reunited, so Jack please stop fronting, and let Sharin tell her real baby daddy that he’s about to be a pops.

Gotcha! Seems like PI Paul learned well at the Kate Valentine Shchool of Stalking. Dude tracked Mary Jane all the way down to her room at the GCAC. Not that it was too difficult. Where else would Patty, I mean, Mary Jane be staying?

Back at the Abbott mansion, Sharon was having a moment mourning her deceased daughter, it’s that anniversary you know. It was a nice, silent moment for Sharon, until Cryin’ Jack interrupted.

Sharin begged Jack to take her away from GC to have her baby in peace. But of course Cryin’ Jack wasn’t hearing it. Jack, please find your balls. You are better than this. Sharin don’t love you, ho. She loves Niclueless. Sharin knows it, Niclueless knows it, Big Red knows it, America and Canada knows it, and deep down, Cryin Jack, I think you know it to. At this point, I don’t know who’s trying more desperately to hold on to someone that doesn’t want them, you, Big Red, or Kate.

Speaking of Kate…

Not only is this chick a fashionista (yeah right), she’s also an interior designer (yeah right). Kate got the bright idea to paint the Abbott pool house hot pink. Um, I don’t get it either. There must have been something about that pink paint though, because it got Kate and Liam in the mood for se– eww, I can’t say it.

Oops, we seem to be having technical difficulties. Oh well, I think I just threw up in my mouth anyway.

After doing the deed, and being handed a condom by Kate (ho, you couldn’t think of that before you conceived D?), Liam was having a few regrets. Liam, if you thought with your brain instead of your head, you wouldn’t be in the situation you’re in. Of course Liam was also thinking about his lady love Mac.

Despite what Liam thinks, Mac isn’t as nun like as she seems. Homegirl had a fantasy of her own about Liam, and it included all the essentials for a steamy dream– big, eighties hair? check. a long cougar-esque silk night gown? check. and harsh fluorescent lighting? check. Oh Mac you naughty girl you.

Can these two just get it on already and get it out of their systems? Poor things have been waiting for six long years.

The idiots in charge, finally gave Mac an outfit that didn’t look like it could be worn by Katherine Chancellor, and let her out into GC to visit old friend Kevin. Together they had a good laugh over how miserable Liam is. Yeah guys, it is kind of funny. Liam does have that whole ‘trapped animal in a cage’ thing going on. Liam, you know you can leave any time you want to right?

On the other side of town, Jana was checking out what Danielle had to offer. Go ahead Jana, sample the goods, Kevin and Amber never have to know.

And while Amber was modeling the latest in Ho Chic, Danielle was wearing an outfit that I, a female, would wear exactly how he’s styled it. Danielle’s style game is on point, from the mint green tee, to the ripped flared jeans, all the way down to the hot pink thong sandals. Girlfriend’s got style. Two snaps for the kids!

Next on the Young and the Restless…