Y&R Recap:Tuesday, May 12, 2009

We begin where we left off yesterday, with Paul’s proposal to Nikki. She’s speechless and then finally smiles and tells him he’s the sweetest man in the whole world, but she can’t say yes. I hope you kept the receipt, homie.

Rafe and Adam are upstairs in Adam’s room, alone (I’m just sayin’) and Rafe’s telling him that he might not be able to get a medical discharge. Apparently being terminally dumb isn’t the right kind of disease to have. Adam turns abruptly and knocks into a chair and gets pissed off. Well, you’re the one injecting Botox into your eyes, don’t get mad when you can’t see stuff because YOU’RE CAUSING YOUR OWN BLINDNESS.

Rafe promises that he won’t stop fighting for his man, and Adam acknowledges this and apologizes. He sends Rafe to get him some aspirin so he can hide his BotoxBox under his bed. Rafe tells him that he looks bad, and Adam replies that it’s because he’s stressed and upset. Rafe thinks that he needs to eat, and tells him that if his mother were here, she’d say Adam needs some meat on his bones. This is also because Rafe likes his men playing for Team Thickums, and Adam will be no exception to this rule.

Adam tries to play the poor-me card for being blamed for all the drama going on around the house, even though he, you know, is actually the one causing all the drama going on around the house.

Sharin’s looking at a wrinkled up piece of paper, a letter that she’s written to Nick, probably to confess something that she should probably just say in person or shut the hell up about. She totally hides it really well under a shirt as Jack finishes his phone call and walks over to her to try and reassure her that moving back into the mansion is what’s best.

Sharin asks if Crazy!Mary-Jane knows and he’s all “I don’t love that ho! I love YOU, ho.” And leaves to go break the news to CMJ.

She opens the door all, “You came to break me off real quick, right?” And Smilin’ Jack has to break the bad news that he shan’t be breaking her off any longer.

CMJ’s like “Excuse you? I just busted my ass to make you look competent to the press, how’s it gonna look when the media finds out you’re getting back with your thieving ex-wife?” And Jack basically throws up the deuces and walks out. CMJ rips up some papers and is crazy.

Daniel is trying to tell Phyllis what a success the art showing was, but The Hambergler is slobbering all over him in this fug blue dress that the 80s called and apologized for and, ew. For real, I can’t tell if it’s velvet or satin.

Phyllis, Niclueless and Summer are having dinner at the Club. She shows him the cover of RS with Lily on the cover, and Summer emotionlessly points out Sharin, who informs them that she’s moving back into the mansion. Phick is all “WTF isn’t the ink on your divorce still wet?” And Shack try to sell them on how in love they still are. They’re so unconvincing that even Summer is like, “This is suspect.”

OMG! I totally almost forgot about one of the greatest parts, when Shack was on their way out. Sharin was totally trying to throw out some brainwaves, but dude could not pick it up at all.

Paul’s not mad at Nikki for her ‘maybe’ answer and tells her that he should’ve proposed back when they were kids. Even though she still probably woulda wound up with Victor and dropped Paul like a cheap wig, but let’s let him have his fantasies. They reminisce and ADA!Feather (because her brain is as light as one) appears and is all grossed out by two old people kissing and tells them to get a room. Nikki excuses herself so they can talk and Kay calls her over, asking if she just saw Paul down on one knee. She needs the clarification to make sure her glaucoma’s not acting up again. Although you know if Kay really had glaucoma that she’d have a bomb stash at home, let’s keep it real here.

Nikki confirms the proposal and that she hasn’t given him an answer. She doesn’t want to swagger jack Vic and Ashley by rushing into marriage again.

We head back to the Newman Ranch where Vic and Ashley get up off of your Grandmama’s furniture because Victator doesn’t want to talk about Ashley’s crazy ass going crazy again.

Rafe asks to talk to his future father in law, and tries to get his Grown Man on for Victor throwing blame around for the dramz going on with Ashley. Victor tells him that he needs to check himself before he wrecks himself, gives him a You Got That and tells him to beat feet and keep it movin’.

Ashley’s listening in the hallway, and I don’t know how she got my granny’s shirt but me and her are gonna have words.

ADA!!Feather is talking to Paul about Adam when Kay walks out with Nina. ADA!!!Feather throws some shade at first at being interrupted, but smiles when they’re introduced and sees her way out. Apparently Nina’s sticking around GC because she wants to make Kay’s book into a movie.

Back at the art show, Hambergler’s trying to get Daniel liquored up so they can bone on the couch. So romantic, and sanitary! Howard Aucker knocks on the door, and Hambergler, realizing that Howard might’ve put his glasses on and looked at what he bought, can smell the check floating farther away from her purse. Howard tells her that she ain’t gotta go home but she gotta get the hell up outta there, so she leaves to get snacks. Aucker then pulls out his badge to show to Daniel. He’s gonna arrest him for his crappy art? Awesome.

Adumb whines to Ashley about how hard his life is, being on house arrest in a mansion. She, too, comments on how much weight he’s losing, and he rebuffs her offer of getting him something to eat. Ash leaves and then the Totally Up To No Good music starts playing, and we get the flashbacks of all the times Adumb’s turned down food, with the longest clip being of him and Rafe because MAB knows that RAM is the future! He succeeds in getting off his house arrest anklet and laughs triumphantly and then goes over to the window, and…

WTF? No. You have got to be kidding me. Am I honestly seeing the BLIND MAN sneaking out of his room to climb downstairs WHEN HE CAN’T SEE?! I, just no. I can’t, and I will not.

Ashley is singing Woe is Adam to Victor, and convinces him to let ADA!!!!Feather come visit. Adumb’s at a statue of a mother holding a baby, and then feels his way over to where he’s buried the tape recorder that has the sound of a baby crying that Ashley’s heard. Oh em gee, Y&R, you’re so clever!!!! Raise your hand if you didn’t see that coming.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Unfortunately at the gallery Daniel is not being arrested. Apparently his drawings are really similar to another well-known artists’ work and damn, I can’t even bring myself to care. Don’t get too caught up, Dan, you know what happens to snitches.

The Hambergler’s hoofed it to the coffeehouse and finds Kay and Nina outside. Nina stays strong and does not let out one chuckle when she lays eyes on what this broad is wearing. Kay tells her that the book is being made into a movie, and Hambergler starts hating. Kay asks if Nina would mind having Hambergler be a co-writer on the screenplay, and Nina gets that look on her face like you do when you want to say no to someone, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings or look like an asshole. They totally and uncomfortably go along with what Kay says, because she’s the HBIC.

Nikki comes to the ranch wearing so many gold chains I expect her to be promoting her latest rap album, From the Pole to the Boardroom.

She heads out as ADA!!!!!Feather comes in, and says a quiet goodbye to her old life. So Deep.

Adumb climbs back up to his room on the fif floor. I want you to read that again: BLIND ASS ADUMB CLIMBED BACK UP TO HIS ROOM. He opens the door to ADA!!!!!!Feather who tells him that because of Ashley, they can be together ALL. THE. TIME!! They hit the bed, you know how they do. But, oh noes! Adumb dropped the tape recorder on the floor.

Back at the bar, CMJ is drowning her sorrows and Phyllis is all HAY GURL!! Big Red asks if she knows about Sharin moving back in, and CMJ claims to not be sweating it since it won’t last.

Back in her room, CMJ is stroking her kitty (y’all nasty) and says that Jack will come back to her. Meanwhile Jack is trying to convince Sharin that he’s cool with possibly not being the father of her kid.

Adumb comes downstairs, finally ready to eat and giving Ash a big thank you hug while Victator looks at a picture of him and Nikki. I can’t tell if he looks wistful or if he just fell asleep standing up.

We wrap it up with Nikki finally accepting Paul’s proposal. If you read spoilers, raise your hand if you’re surprised that Nikki and Paul are the third couple to be engaged.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

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