Y&R Recap. Monday, May 11th 2009

Fily can’t take it anymore! It’s like, so super duper hard making money doing a photo shoot that you don’t agree with. The clothing just isn’t sparkly enough to distract her from the facts! She knows time is money – she knows things? – but making marriage look like it’s misery isn’t art! It’s a nasty joke on anyone and everyone who’s ever been in love!

Fily doesn’t seem to realize that this is just one aspect of a multi-themed wedding issue that has pages and pages of happy, pretty brides and dashing grooms. If she’s going to have a problem every time she doesn’t agree with the premise of a photo shoot, she’ll be pushing out babies sooner than she thinks because no one will ever hire her again.

Kate mutters, “Amateurs” and goes off to the kitchen to check her phone aka stalk Liam. Fillip, looking like someone’s chauffeur, walks into the kitchen and asks Kate if this is just her way of ruining things for Fily. Kate’s all, “You bet I want you guys to feel my misery! My marriage is a disaster.”

Fillip mumbles something about Kate’s attempt at screwing up Fily’s modeling career the last time they all did this dance and that despite of Kate’s machinations Fily’s still here acting like the diva she thinks she is. Kate tells him that she’s giving Fily a glorious shoot that she stole from W magazine and he says that his marriage with Fily is about “hope & the future” (Who talks like this?) and she won’t get away with this! Note: Kate being a bitter cow doesn’t change the fact that Fily &Fillip are acting like whiny brats.

Back in the living room, Nikki pats Fily’s head and tells her to be a good girl now or she’ll have to send her to her room to play with her dolls. Finally realizing that this is her job and her ass is about to get canned, Fily calls Fillip into the living room to continue with the photo shoot.

After they rip off the Brangelina spread some more — Just because you admit that you stole it Kate doesn’t mean that you don’t suck at your job — Nikki leaves because she is just that bored. Fily goes over to Kate and they fight as per usual. Kate, “Your husband’s a bore.” Lily, “Your marriage is soulless!” They continue to snip at each other not realizing that they’re both the punch lines to these jokes.

Over at Billy’s World, Liam is on his daily nuMac stalk. He tells her that he is not there for her, he’s there for the sticky floor, the peanut shells on the bar décor and the Highland games! Why burly Scots in skirts (nuMac: “Kilts!”) throwing big ass telephone poles (nuMac: “Cabers! Damn you.”) is all a man needs! She hides a smile at his precociousness.

They talk about french fries for a little and then about the family he helped build a home for after Katrina. For a moment, Billy seems to be knocking around in the empty shell that is Liam, as he talks about the kid that used to follow him around. The moment is interrupted however, when he gets a call from the nanny and nuMac notices how much he loves baby D. She somehow drops the fact that Kate came to see her into the conversation and Liam, annoyed with Kate’s antics, goes off to interrupt her life just like she’s interrupted his.

At the gallery, Daniel finally has a bidder for his all his crap drawings. The bidder’s complete lack of taste should be the first warning sign that he isn’t legitimate. Jana, wearing an onion on her head, realizes that this is an opportunity that Daniel will probably never come by again and attempts to bleed the man dry. The bidder accepts the price because, “[Daniel’s] talent matters. Anyone can see that.” and he even says it with a straight face. Daniel thrilled that someone with a lot of money has Adam’s visual sense, picks Jana up and twirls her around.

Over at the Chancellor Mansion, Jill is still on her sabotage mission to screw Bonnie & Clyde out of getting away with their crimes. She tells the governor that Bonnie is a sleaze, who staged a phoney marriage with her son Fillip for money. And Clyde! Clyde has a grocery list of arrests. Murphy tries to get everything back on track telling him that Bonnie & Clyde were the only ones that fought for Kay when she was in danger.

Kay, Jill and Bonnie & Clyde go off to have a friendly conversation. Kay notes that Jill is treating the kids like she treats Nikki because Jill just wants her mommy back! Jill scoffs as the governor comes in. After his convo with Murph about their military affiliations, Jill takes the governor off to have a private chat. After their “chat”, Jill comes back with the governor fixing her lipstick. Kay seeing that Jill has gone in for the kill tries to get his mind back to helping Bonnie&Clyde but it’s too late, Jill already has her claws around his collar.

In private, Jill crows that Kay’s just too old now to do battle. What she doesn’t realize is that Murph is working his magic, bribing — that is to say — offering the governor a Soviet made gun. It’s enough to work in a way that Jill’s loving couldn’t (Burn.) because Bonnie & Clyde get amnesty. Murphy’s got the magic touch, y’all.

And Jill’s night is just getting worse. Her money’s in a bank in the Cayman’s that just went under. Oh poor orphan Jilly. It’s a good thing her son is marrying into some money.

At Casa del Newman, Estella’s not having such a great day either. The Mustache tells her to pack her shit and leave and she pouts. Why, she’s done nothing to deserve this … Other than treat Ashley like the dirt beneath her carefully shined black pumps, nothing at all! The ‘stache tells Ash, clad in a curtain she stole from someone’s grandmother, that now that Estella is out of the way they will finally “have peace”. So young. So naïve.

Meanwhile, Adam is upstairs injecting himself in the eye with a syringe because he’s devious and creepy. The doctor examines him and his prognosis is that he’s certainly going blind and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

Rafe goes up to see his boo and catches Adam trying to hide his drug box. And when Rafe picks it up, Adam gets huffy and yanks it away. It is their very first lovers tiff.

Over at CL, Paul and his idiotic ADA! Daughter Heather, are having a chat. He asks her what’s new with her and she says that she’s been busy – good busy, which means: “Well, dad, I’m hiding in closets and prancing around Casa del Newman in my underwear with a criminal who is on house arrest – who I put away in case you forgot! – and making a general asshole of myself.” Paul’s like, “Oh the usual then.”

At some point ADA! Daughter Heather leaves and Paul meets up with Nikki. They discuss how awesome their relationship is and he proposes. I wish I could make this sound interesting at all but I can’t.

Liam goes over the house where the 70s died, making himself right at home. Hey, if the door’s unlocked that means you’re welcome, right? Liam temporarily acts like he’s on a children‘s game show: “It’s not work time. It’s what? Family time!” before mocking Kate about her conversation with nuMac.

The situation continues to get even stranger when Kate makes a joke about using baby D in the photoshoot and Fily&Fillip and Liam voice their displeasure without ever looking at each other. I don’t think they know Liam’s even in the house.

NuMac decides to join the party for absolute no other reason than to have another Mane moment, Fily goes over to Kate to do some more bitching about her relationship with Liam, Liam walks around the house with the baby and I honestly don’t know wtf is going on anymore.

Next on Y&R: MJ & Red continue to bond over the fact that they’re both crazy. Nikki and TGVN pretend they’re “moving on” from each other and …