ADA Heather still hasn’t learned her lessson. Seems like her brief stint as lady of the house at Ye Olde Newman Ranch has made ADA Heather think she’s welcome. Just when she was about to be smoted (AGAIN), Mama Ashley (yes, Ashley has taken Karen’s place as the crazy lady who wants babies) saved the day, and convinced The Mustache to grant ADA Heather passage into the inner sanctum.

Even though TGVN wouldn’t share his plans with ADA Heather, turns out the old man was planning a birthday bash for his baby boy after all. It was an event that rivaled the awesomeness (read, epic lameness) of Noah’s sweet sixteen party, and featured all of Adumb’s favorite (read, most hated) people– Vikki N. and her personal manservant, Mama Ashley, and of course Daddy Dearest. There were even a few peeps there that Adumb didn’t know (yes, I’m talking to you Colleen Cecile Carlton).

Not one to be completely selfish, the birthday boy had a present for his guests– Adumb is writing a book! And this is why we call him Adumb. Has he not learned the history of those who dare publish anything remotely related to TGVN? Remember Leanna Love? Oh yeah, I forgot. Adumb knows first hand what it’s like to be smoted by The Mustache. That’s why he’s currently on house arrest. Of course naive ADA Heather was all smiles as Adumb made his announcement, but let’s see what the rest of the party guests were thinking.

Reaction Shots:

I don’t think they’re happy.

Sidenote: Was this a tea party? Note the teacups and raised pinkies. Just a thought.

We can’t conclude the recap of Adumb’s fabulous (read, FAIL) party, without discussing the love story that is RAM! (that’s Rafe+Adam for those of you not up on your smoosh names, and yes, the exclamation point is required). I think I see supercouple potential.

Over at the Baldwin/Fisher house (read, insane asylum), Kevin is crazy, water is wet, fire is hot, and the sky is blue.

On the other side of town, Michael is trying to talk ADA Heather into getting Kev better medical care. Whatever Mikey’s trying to sell though, ADA Heather ain’t buying. See, Mikey’s lost his touch, his pimp hand’s just not strong anymore.

And the insanity continues.

At the Brady Bunch house, Fillip (fake+phillip=fillip, because in the words of Nina Webster, ‘He’s no phillip’) and Fily (fake+lily=fily, because as long as she continues to talk! like! this! she’s no lily) are trying to make a baby. Awww, how cute. They’re so happy y’all! If the hearts, stars, rainbows, and unicorns didn’t give it away, you can tell Fillip and Fily are deleriously happy, by all the grinning and cooing they do at each other.

Fillip was about one stitch away from splitting his jeans, but dear, sweet, beautiful Humphrey came in and saved the day. Unfortunately for us (read, thank you IIC!), Fillip and Fily had to take their baby making elsewhere.

Wait, wait. Time out. Fily, can I talk to you for a second?

Fily: Sure!
Me: Um…Fily. You’re trying to have a baby?
Fily: Yeah! For sure!
Me: Fily, what happened to modeling?
Fily: I! can! model! and! have! a! baby! Modeling! is! easy!
Me: Hmm…cool beans.
Fily: Yeah!
Me: Um…Fily. Didn’t you just tell Colleen, literally about ten minutes ago, that you didn’t want a baby?
Fily: Gosh! no!
Me: Um…Fily. I think you did.
Fily: Gosh! no! Me! want! babbby!

I guess Fily always did want a baby. Let’s rewind a little bit…

Hmmm…that’s what I thought. Fily, girl you so crazy, lol. Moving on.

Earlier in the day, before Adam’s party full of Win (read, full of Fail), JT was taking a little trip down memory lane, trying to figure out exactly how did he become Vikki N’s main biotch. Clearly, Vikki N. gets it from her daddy. She might be a bore, but Vikki N’s pimp hand is strong. JT hasn’t seen his balls since the 12th of NEVAH.

JT thought he would get a little time in with Colleen before his owner spotted him, but he should have known better. Vikki N. came in out of nowhere, and shut that down real quick. Oh well, maybe next time JT. Maybe next time.

The diversity campaign keeps rolling on, and Y&R makes show history…

Fily is happy! with her boo, Fillip, so of course she would want her main bff Colleen to be happy! with a man, too. GC is limited at the moment with young, single men, so the only person Fily can think of for Colleen is Rafe. And guess what? Doogie Howser Esq. just happened to walk into Crimson Lights. Fily made quick introductions, and left Colleen and Doogie Howser Esq. alone to make a love connection.

Doogie and Colleen get to chatting, and Doogie’s all, “Um, yeah, you’re looking for a man. But I’m looking for one, too. I’m gay. We can still hang out though.”

And there you have it. The Young and the Restless finally has a gay character, and the diversity campaign has met it’s quota. All joking aside, though, I appreciate how Y&R didn’t make a big deal of it. It was what it was. Rafe is gay. Colleen is straight. Water is still wet. Fire is still hot. And the sky is still blue.

Next time on The Young and the Restless…

Ashley’s hearing crying babies. Looks like someone else is headed for a padded cell.