Poor silly, naive ADA Heather Stevens. Chick was just trying to visit her boo, and plan a little birthday shindig with his dad. Yes, everyone, that day you’ve all been waiting for, otherwise known as Adam Wilson’s birthday, is around the corner. Secretly wanting to spend the big day planning the demise of ‘dearest’ Ashley, or some other nonsense, Adam tries to convince Heather that he doesn’t want to celebrate. “Ashley’s birthday is next week, it’s more important,” he tells ADA Heather. But ADA Heather can’t take the hint, so she declares that she will plan something with The Great Victor Newman. But no sooner can she verbalize this grande idea of hers, then The Mustache himself arrives at his doorstep.

“Mumble, muble, muble, mumble, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Like Victor, I like totally like have this like great idea like to like have a birthday party for Adam. Like how are you like planning to like celebrate?”

“Mumble, mumble, mumble, It’s none of your damn business!”

“But like Vic–”

Now on to the rest of the show…

Kevin is still in the looney bin, and big bro Mikey is trying to convince him he’s really a good boy. Kev ain’t buying it, but maybe that look on Greg Rikaart’s face is simply a plea to Maria Arena Bell to get him out of this storyline. Or maybe, it’s because Alvin (you know, the chipmunk) is getting through to Kev, where Michael ain’t…

Apparently Kevin wasn’t a fan of the Chipmunks growing up. Alvin, Simon, Theodore and the gang will be crushed.

Today’s commercial break is being brought to us by the CBS Diversity Campaign. Say cheese Tyrone, you’re on candid camera!

Back to the show.

Over in the middle of nowhere, Kay, Joe Jr. Pearl, Murphy and the gang, are having a memorial service for dear old alcoholic Marge. For some reason Amber, noMac, and Nikki were there. You know Y&R gotta get their money’s worth out of those sets. We’re in a recession y’all! People got up and said some things about Marge, but I don’t know if they were nice or not, because honestly, I kinda tuned out. Marge is the reason for that “Kay is Marge/Oh no she’s not/Oh yes she is/Oh wait it’s Kay/Hell naw it’s Marge/OMG it is Kay!” storyline, so I’m glad she’s gone .

See guys, noMac does occasionally smile. Even if it is at the memorial service of a woman she’s never met, and who once kidnapped her beloved grandma. Those facts don’t matter.

At the commencement of the festivities, Kurphy informed Amber and noMac that they will be getting married on May 1st (Sorry Lane fans, but Kurphy is getting that big spring wedding mama MAB spoiled months ago. If Ana is singing, then you know it’s a party.), and they want this lovely duo to be bridesmaids. Amber immediately asked to design the wedding and bridesmaid dresses, and if that jacket she designed for Daniel is any indication…I’m sure it will be beautiful. I think she mentioned something about butterflies and wings, but Amber’s voice is so high, only dogs and other small animals can truly understand.

It’s the CBS Diversity Campaign again. Say cheese Nikki aka Baby Gurl, you’re on candid camera!

Back to the show.

Meanwhile, back at notVogue, I mean Restless Style, Big Red can’t understand why ADA Heather won’t press charges against Sharin for stealing her damn monkey. Big Red, did you not get the memo? ADA Heather is not good at her job. She has a zero win success rate. Big Red, you are better off handling Sharin yourself. Now tell pretty little ADA Heather, that you no longer have any use for her. Bye ADA Heather! See you again next month!

Since ADA Heather proved to be useless, AGAIN!, Big Red decided to go another route in her quest to see Sharin in the slammer, and away from her man. Big Red had a foolish moment, though, and thought she could get Victor, yes the same Victor that Sharin has ’shared’ with, to call in his connections and put Sharin away. It went like this…

“Hey Vic, you know that egg you and Sabs had, the one that crazy maid of yours thinks Ashley thinks she stole? Turns out another crazy stole it. No! Not me. Another crazy, Sharin. I’m concerned for her, you should have her arrested. It would be good for her.”

“Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, Girl, BYE!”

And TGVN has pwnd his second person of the day.

At some point during this ep, Michael and Nick had a conversation, but it was totally boring, so we will move on.

So of course after Big Red spilled the beans, The Mustache had to run over and see how is ‘Darling Sharon’ was doing. Homegirl looked like she had been doing the crackhead shimmy again, but she let Victor in, and showed him some love. No, she didn’t sleep with him. Sharin would never sleep with her husband’s, er ex-husband’s, family. Nah, she wouldn’t do that (we’ll forget about Billy, he was just a figment of her imagination).

After she got some backup, Sharin was ready to face Big Red. I think the photo’s caption accurately sums up how it went down, and I have nothing else to add. Oh, yeah, Big Red got shut down. Again. Obviously, it is not her week.

Next time on The Young and The Restless…

Can’t a man get his drink on in peace?